i miss you.

Sitting in the woods, lisening to the wind rustle around with the leaves. I can't help but think about everything so far in this new year. It makes me think how lucky I am. I have amazing friends, loving parents, and plenty of secrets to hide. I think it's time to come clean on a few things, maybe I'll feel like the world has been lifted a bit.

-I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend, who just happens to be my best friend and when he talks about getting with other girls I can still feel my blood boiling.
-I am so spoiled and I take my parents for granted so much that I feel like a ingrate.
-I spend to much time with my friends and not enough with my family.
-I haven't found a school to go to because I have no clue what I want to do with my life.
-The only thing that's holding me back from being a nurse is, I don't want to be as cold hearted as some of the people I work with.
-I hate the fact that no matter how hard I try I can't lose weight and I can't change anything about myself.
-I miss lucie so much everyday, but I know she is so much better off where she is.

I'm a mess. I just wish everything was as simple as it was in like third grade where the only thing I had to worry about was a skinned knee on the play ground or cooties. Being ingulfed in nature just makes me think about how perfect and simple everything could be if I just learned to trust God in his plan. But, I have so many trust issues because the one person who promised never to hurt me did. I don't blame him, I miss him. I miss everything and I miss high school. I never thought I would say it but, I miss my senior year. It was honestly the best year of my life. I'm so ready to grow up and I am ready to be a "adult".

I just want things to get better and just a little bit easier. I hate being alone , in my struggles. I wish things were as easy as third grade again. Here is too hoping I was excited for the new year that's going to be the same as every heartbreaking, soul crushing year. :/

Dear God, Please help me with this non sense. Amen.