One of the greatest things about being in guard is that I tend to spin when I need to clear my head and this week just happens to be one rough week in my world. I am finally taking steps to start going to nursing school, I found a new addiction (glee), I can't escape my head for a second, and I'm starting to go down a road that I have been down so many times but hey lookie here I'm back again. Ahhhh! it's all starting to be too much. Well back to the whole guard thing, I have decided to start writing my audition peice for either UF or an independent guard. I might take a video just to show you so you know where my passion tends to go.
I found the perfect song and I have some wonderful ideas, I can't wait to put it all together and do it. I'm about to change subjects very hastly but I have to vent. I am sooo in love with this boy it's absolutly crazy.
I don't know what keeps me so hung on him but I love it and I honestly wouldn't change a thing about us. He is my bestfriend and so much more. I just ... I'm sprung hard and no matter how many times I hurt myself in the process I want him back so bad and I know it won't happen but I'm not just going to go down with out a fight. Give up? That's a good idea but I want to make sure I'm not giving up on the kid I'm suppost to be with.
Blahhh. Enough please with this love non sense. I am so excited to show you my routine. I think it's my best one yet, I put so much heart and feeling into it. I hope you can tell and I really hope you like it. When I do put it up you'll deffinatly have to comment on it. I'm kind of excited to start going back to school and starting my future. Already having to pay some bills and being completely broke is a feeling I didn't like. So I am going to make so sure that I don't have to worry week to week about living a good life. I am going to be a nurse and I am going to be amazing at my job. I am so pumped.
Life has so many up and downs and all around but I am so ready with everything that is about to be thrown my direction. Bring it on cause I'm not letting anything or anyone bring me down. :p leggggo!
<3 tuhkneeuh!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
i miss you.
Sitting in the woods, lisening to the wind rustle around with the leaves. I can't help but think about everything so far in this new year. It makes me think how lucky I am. I have amazing friends, loving parents, and plenty of secrets to hide. I think it's time to come clean on a few things, maybe I'll feel like the world has been lifted a bit.
-I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend, who just happens to be my best friend and when he talks about getting with other girls I can still feel my blood boiling.
-I am so spoiled and I take my parents for granted so much that I feel like a ingrate.
-I spend to much time with my friends and not enough with my family.
-I haven't found a school to go to because I have no clue what I want to do with my life.
-The only thing that's holding me back from being a nurse is, I don't want to be as cold hearted as some of the people I work with.
-I hate the fact that no matter how hard I try I can't lose weight and I can't change anything about myself.
-I miss lucie so much everyday, but I know she is so much better off where she is.
I'm a mess. I just wish everything was as simple as it was in like third grade where the only thing I had to worry about was a skinned knee on the play ground or cooties. Being ingulfed in nature just makes me think about how perfect and simple everything could be if I just learned to trust God in his plan. But, I have so many trust issues because the one person who promised never to hurt me did. I don't blame him, I miss him. I miss everything and I miss high school. I never thought I would say it but, I miss my senior year. It was honestly the best year of my life. I'm so ready to grow up and I am ready to be a "adult".
I just want things to get better and just a little bit easier. I hate being alone , in my struggles. I wish things were as easy as third grade again. Here is too hoping I was excited for the new year that's going to be the same as every heartbreaking, soul crushing year. :/
Dear God, Please help me with this non sense. Amen.
-I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend, who just happens to be my best friend and when he talks about getting with other girls I can still feel my blood boiling.
-I am so spoiled and I take my parents for granted so much that I feel like a ingrate.
-I spend to much time with my friends and not enough with my family.
-I haven't found a school to go to because I have no clue what I want to do with my life.
-The only thing that's holding me back from being a nurse is, I don't want to be as cold hearted as some of the people I work with.
-I hate the fact that no matter how hard I try I can't lose weight and I can't change anything about myself.
-I miss lucie so much everyday, but I know she is so much better off where she is.
I'm a mess. I just wish everything was as simple as it was in like third grade where the only thing I had to worry about was a skinned knee on the play ground or cooties. Being ingulfed in nature just makes me think about how perfect and simple everything could be if I just learned to trust God in his plan. But, I have so many trust issues because the one person who promised never to hurt me did. I don't blame him, I miss him. I miss everything and I miss high school. I never thought I would say it but, I miss my senior year. It was honestly the best year of my life. I'm so ready to grow up and I am ready to be a "adult".
I just want things to get better and just a little bit easier. I hate being alone , in my struggles. I wish things were as easy as third grade again. Here is too hoping I was excited for the new year that's going to be the same as every heartbreaking, soul crushing year. :/
Dear God, Please help me with this non sense. Amen.
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